Posts Tagged ‘blah’

  • 04 Aug

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    The Brain Bone is connected to the Mouth Bone

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    I have lost the ability to communicate recently. It may have been going for sometime now but it’s reached epically bad proportions recently.

    Have you ever been thinking one thing but your mouth says something else? Today, while walking to get coffee with the new web guy (who will hopefully make my work life much easier) we were talking about my new TV and the possibility of TiVo etc. I was thinking:

    “I got DVR the second it came out, back when it was the dirty little secret of cable. I love my DVR!”.

    … but what I said was (oh god. So mortifying)…

    “I love you”.

    Naturally I just kept talking. I briefly tried to clarify my love for the DVR rather than him but mostly I tried to gloss over my apparent attempt at sexual harassment 30 minutes after he showed up for his first day of work. Oh, the humiliation.

    This is not the only example. At trivia I wrote down ‘Siskel and Egbert’ (rather than ‘Ebert”), and I thought Michael Jackson’s kids’ godfather was Marlon Brando (FYI, it’s Macaulay Caulkin and isn’t Brando everyone’s godfather?). I also recently referenced the movie “Harold and Kumar go to Washington”. I’m not sure what’s worse: messing up the title of a classic, iconic movie or the fact that now Mr. Smith apparently has to go to White Castle.

    Keep your fingers crossed that this is a phase and it passes quickly– I say stupid enough stuff normally. None of you want me calling you for bail money after I say “Thank you for my ticket, Mr. Occifer!”. Now that I have a big, pretty TV I can’t bail myself out anymore! (my god, I sound blonde, don’t I?).

  • 29 Mar

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    I’ll be the one talking to myself in the corner…

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    My boss made a joke the other day – a “joke” – that I can’t have a boyfriend because I don’t have time. Well, it’s 11:30pm on a Saturday night, date night, and I am at work. I really hope this is as low as it’s going to get but I just don’t know.

    Last two weeks in 30 seconds or less:
    Saw shop-happy aunt and uncle for a day which was great but depressingly short; won an award for working so much; trying to find a wii so I can can wail on some Banjo Hero (Legends of Bluegrass); cuzin moved to cute new house; schoolwork is really cramping any social life I might have had; ‘Canes making the run for the playoffs- go boys, go!

  • 08 Jan

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    My $.02

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    I’m not kidding myself that any of you really care how I feel about politics but I think I might enjoy re-reading this on, say, the first Tuesday in November. Or next January after the re-count.

    McCain – a morally righteous man with whom, I’m sorry to say, I disagree on a number of important issues.
    Obama – too soon to tell. I’m worried about his experience but everything I hear is good. Need to learn more about where he stands on the issues.
    Edwards – uninspired twerp who seems to feel entitled to the presidency.
    Huckabee – C-R-A-Z-Y. Can’t do that religion.
    Romney – ditto
    Clinton – I’m glad a woman can compete; it’s about time. I’m not going to vote for her if she’s not going to represent my interests (haven’t investigated her record), but for last time, she is not going to nuke Korea because she’s on her period!
    Guliani – is he still competing? I thought he was getting married again. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

    I’m also bummed about the writer’s strike. Colbert and Stewart are back but they can’t say anything. The WGA and the ATMP-whatever need to work their shit out ’cause their denying us all superior political satire just when we need it most!

  • 09 Oct

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    The Tale of the Keys

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    Once upon a time, in fact on the very night before our heroine was to move to a new house, she lost her keys. Now this was significant problem since it had both her keys to her current place and to her new place. Her keys to her current mailbox and the new one. It also had her parent’s house keys, her brother storage facility key and her key drive with lots of important files. Oddly enough the thing she missed the most was her Harris Teeter VIC card. (What? They’ll issue you a new one but then it doesn’t know what kind of coupons to give you.)

    Then one day, six months later, she was switching purses because as we all know you can’t wear brown shoes with a black purse. The purse had tons of junk in it and she was tossing stuff in the trash but the purse was still heavy. She finally dug inside, into the side zippered pocket and, WHA-LA, her keys!

    This story has no moral, just the happy ending. The ending probably isn’t so amusing to her brother who drove her around for 2 hours looking for the keys, or for her friends who detoured past restaurants and even patches of grass so she could look for the keys weeks later. I’m just happy knowing my keys weren’t out there for some weirdo to pick up. I mean ‘her’- her keys. I never lose my keys.

  • 13 Dec

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    the world according to blog

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    I know that I have just been out of it for awhile, but blogs are everywhere now. It seems like all of a sudden but don’t kid yourself… it’s been building. When almost every major news media webpage has a section of links devoted to “notable” blogs (and do you really want to know what pompous ass hole decides what is “notable”?) you know some kind of virus is eating through the pop culture main stream.

    What actually amazes me is that it seems not to be a fad. Blogs are such a great idea (obviously, I am a fan) that I never thought that they would completely go away, but perhaps that we would lose the edge, the newness. Eventually they would fall by the wayside in our busy lives and disappear. Oh wait- that’s what happened with my last blog…

    But here I am. And here you are (as far as I know the only person ever to read my blog) so obviously the concept is working. I just don’t get why. Of course I think I am fascinating. I love to read my BS. But I am not fooling myself that anyone else out there cares. There are a very small handful of people whose thoughts I would like to read on a regular basis- and most of those people don’t even have blogs. So I have to assume that, like me, millions of people are publishing their useless, pointless, silly thoughts out to cyberspace, only to have them ignored by the masses, confirming the pointlessness of our existence.

    I’m not as sad as I sound on my blog.

    BTW- this is very funny: the word “blog” is not in the blogger spell check. Go figure.

  • 09 Sep

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    Dating Laws

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    Currently averaging a post a month. Must step this up a bit.

    As I consider starting to think about maybe one day dating I am reminded of the rules of dating. You know them. There are spoken rules, the ones that generally revolve around morals, decency and appropriate dinner conversation. You might think these rules would be obvious, but since men don’t always get it, they must occasionally be formally stated (and I’m not male-bashing here; I just have three brothers).

    Then there are the unwritten rules. I have to assume that most casual daters are familiar with at least a couple of these. Rules that govern whether or not you are worthy of a second date, or even a movie after dinner.
    1. Ladies: head’s up. Apparently there is a rule about opening the car door for a man. Guys may extend courtesy to the point of opening the car door for you but beware. Some men use the rule that you have to lean over and unlock or open their door before they get back around to the drivers side (totally assuming the male has to be the driver). This is not just a myth, in case you have heard this on; I had a date who informed me that I “passed the test” after I unlocked the door for him. On a side note here- I consider it good manners to reciprocate and help the man in the car by unlocking the door. I consider it bad manners to tell the girl she was being tested afterward.
    2. Ladies and Gentleman: The 3 questions rule. I consider this a very valid test and have used it myself, both to judge myself and my dates. It you ask your date three questions about themselves before they ask you even one about yourself, then forget it. I apply this rule cautiously. Don’t rapid fire questions at them, make sure they have a chance to ask you something in between. Meanwhile, I also want to make sure I am learning about him and not just yapping about myself. I have only had one guy fail this test, and let me tell you, it accurately weeded out a self-absorbed, somewhat ditzy guy who I was happy to pass on.
    3. Don’t ever take a first date to meet friends or family. Maybe this is obvious and I just didn’t really know it. Some people may have friends who can restrain themselves and not embarrass you, but why take the chance? My last first date met my friends who proceeded to mock his pool playing and absolutely everything about me. He didn’t run out of the place, but he must have set fire to my phone number.

    I think it’s possible that dating is just learning the rules. Perhaps that is why I am single- clearly I haven’t learned the rules at ALL. Being in an educational environment, let’s say flirting is a 100 level class, dating is a 200 level class and marriage is a graduate course. I’m way behind on pre-requisites here… Damn it.