Archive for the ‘Storytime’ Category

  • National Pride

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    On a snowy morning in April, my Canadian-born mother and American-born father struggled through the final hours of labor. At 7:35am on April 5th, I was born in a small apartment in Belleville, a suburb of Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

    For five years my family moved: in and out of three Canadian cities and two provinces, until finally, shortly before I entered kindergarten, my father was offered a transfer. My dad was an employee of the Toronto-based Northern Telecom (later known as Nortel) and he and my mom jumped at the opportunity to try a warmer climate and better cost of living. We moved to Nashville, Tennessee. I have not lived in Canada since then, though I still have family there (grandparents, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins) and I travel there at least once a year.

    The last week or so has had me thinking about being Canadian – the Olympics are going on in Vancouver so the spotlight has truly landed on Canada and has lingered in a way it rarely does. Certain circumstances: the death of a Georgian luger, flaws in the opening ceremonies and Vancouver weather and the Canadian hockey loss to the US, have inspired some frustration. Of course I am American; I know I live here. But I’m also Canadian and these Olympics have made me defensive of Canada. It’s unbelievably frustrating to hear the running commentary, the jokes (even those made with good intentions add up) and the criticism, and to feel like you’re the only one around to defend your team.

    Because they ARE my team. I am Canadian. I have friends who tell me I’m not Canadian all the time and it drives me nuts. I know I don’t live there. I’m a wimp; I’d probably cry if I had to do a whole winter there. But I can vote there, I can own property there, I have lived there and I have a lot of people I love who live there. I know all the words to the Canadian anthem and I tear up for it the same as I do for the Star-Spangled Banner. There are parts of Canada that are as much home to me as anything on American soil. I feel better when I’m in Canada, as soon as I cross the border. And I want to see Canada win the gold medal for hockey so badly it hurts.

    I know Canada has flaws – I hate their system of government, they’re practically socialist, they’ve got that French sliver in the middle and I’m not even going to bring up the weather. But I could write a book about what’s wrong with the US, too.

    Canadian relatives have told me of their frustration with us Americans. We’re cocky and entitled, rash and bossy. And usually I feel bad- caught in the middle of two sides I love. Well this week, at least until the closing ceremonies, I’m all Canadian. I’m going to continue to be angry when NBC calls the US v. Canada hockey game a “clobbering” (it was 5-3!!!), I’m going to pray for some snow for Vancouver and I’m going to cheer for the Canadians to “own the podium“, even at the expense of the US. It’s Canada’s day and it’s been a pretty crummy one so far. Canada has been an ally, partner, defender and supporter of the US for hundreds of years. I’d really like to see the US appreciate them, or at least call a moratorium on the jokes for five minutes.

    Thanks.

  • It’s about time

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    There are a few of you, I would even say “several”, who will read my next sentence, look up to the heavens and exclaim with frevrent joy “It’s about time!”.

    I got a speeding ticket yesterday.

    If you know me then you know I drive pretty fast. I like to be in control (which is why I have a stick shift) and I get very impatient when stuck behind slow drivers or sloppy drivers or drivers overly cautious of rain or snow or, oh hell, anyone not going 55+. I like to get where I’m going and I love getting there on a nice windy road at high speeds.

    Which makes yesterdays ticket that much more insulting. I was heading through NC State’s campus late in the evening. I’d been at work all day, followed by a three-hour history class and I just wanted to be home. Classicly, I was stuck behind some good ‘ole boy driving through campus at (what I would call) exceptionally slow speeds so I got impatient and made a right to get away from him and exit campus a different way.

    My alternate path was a road that’s under-utilized most days and downright dead at 9pm on a Wednesday night. There are no dorms down there, only administrative buildings and as I drove I did not see a single car- not even headlights in the distance. Until I saw the cop. The NC State cop. He was hiding on the side of the road. I passed him and he pulled out and followed me. Strangely he didn’t pull me right away. He actually waited until I was on a “real” road, off-campus (actually, I wonder now if that had anything to do with my ticket…), a road that is quite heavily-traveled.

    Probably because he was an NC State cop I didn’t think it would be a “real” ticket. I was wrong. Under the circumstances, I really didn’t think I was going that fast, but 42 mph sounds a lot worse when you find out the speed limit on that road 25 mph (I honestly thought it was 35 mph!). So if I do the math… carry the one… that’s me going 17 mph over the speed limit. I don’t know how that translates in points on my license, but it can’t be pretty.

    Ironically, I haven’t had a ticket in four or five years. My driving record is decptively clean considering my little speeding habbit. And this is where those family members and friends start cackling and rubbing their hands together: I think my brother has had three tickets in the last few years and I doubt he drives as fast as I do. I think I was due, and despite the crummy circumstances, my whining will stop here. I’ll try to be a good girl, drive the speed limit (ok, plus 7mph or so…) and avoid all windy roads for the next few months.

    Dammit.

  • The Cookie Affair

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    Every year I participate in a cookie exchange with some ladies from work. My mom does so much cooking that I like to try to help out by bringing home 6 or 7 dozen cookies to keep the troops occupied satiated with sugar.

    In case you’re not familiar with the concept of a cookie exchange, I have to make 6 dozen cookies and I trade them with a dozen cookies 6 other people have made. Of course I also like to make a dozen to take home for myself because I (unbiasedly) believe mine are usually the best anyway. With 7 dozen cookies to make, I like to try to find something simple (with 7 dozen cookies even easy recipes become a challenge) and this year after considering several options, I decided to go with a recipe my friend Garrison sent: Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies. Garrison assured me they were super-easy and, to his credit, informed me that the standard recipe went a long way- he got almost 5 dozen cookies out of the recipe for 2-3 dozen.

    So I woke up this morning, pulled up the recipe and wrote up my shopping list (trip #1). I figured I’d make 6 dozen and the overage Garrison warned me about would cover the dozen for my family. Naturally, I did not bother to look in my cabinet before I left. I “knew” I had sugar and Vanilla extract but I needed everything else. An hour later I came home a realized I had just bought my third container of unsweetened cocoa (the second one had never been opened) and had less than a cup of sugar. So I hoofed it back to Harris Teeter (trip #2), returned my cocoa and grabbed a bag of sugar.

    Back at the house I was ready to go. I melted my margarine and mixed my cocoa etc. It was going well and smelling good but when I got to the point where I had to add the oatmeal I quickly learned the entire container I had bought was only 5 cups of the 9 cups I needed. I actually went through the thought processes of “do I *really* needed another 4 cups?”, and “who do I know that wants to run out and get me oatmeal?” but in the end I knew what I had to do. So, with the stove on very low I ran back to Harris Teeter (trip #3) and bought another container of oatmeal. At this point the manager and the cashier both knew me and asked me how the cookies were going. I admitted to my inability to do math as I dashed out the door.

    Got home, again, and I dumped the rest of the oatmeal in and stirred. Cookies done = yeah! Next step: lay-out the cookies. They’re no-bake but they have to cool and harden so they need to be laid out on wax paper (btw, I bought that too and already had a roll at home…). So I started putting cookies out, and kept going and going and going. Ran out of counter space and put several trays in the fridge. Garrison was not exaggerating. The recipe was for 72 cookies and I have about 120.

    Happy Holidays, everyone! Enjoy the season and may you all have too many cookies!

  • Thanksgiving: The Horror

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    Yes, all right, it’s been a month since I’ve posted. I am going to add a “Post to blog” task on my “Remember the Milk” list and monitor it via my iPhone. I know, it’s hard to believe I don’t have time to post since I obviously don’t have a life.

    So I am one of those people that, when asked by friends and neighbors “how was your Thanksgiving?”, feel compelled to really answer. A simple “fine” is not in my vocabulary. And when I stopped to recall this Thanksgiving, it was really quite chilling.

    First there was the conversation at Thanksgiving dinner. Somehow I ended up sitting between my dad and my uncle and their conversation was nothing short of macabre. Seriously, all of the following came up:

    • Who they know that’s dying and of what
    • My uncle’s friend, the coroner, and a review of “what not to do when contemplating suicide” (including a review of blood splatter clean-up)
    • Hunting/ cleaning animals (and I don’t mean a bath)
    • And to round it up, great moments from the movie “Deliverance”

    Then on the Friday, I did something I have never, ever done before: I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. To be clear, I don’t like to step in a store after Thanksgiving. Anything that hasn’t been bought before t-day gets bought online. But my aunt and cousin (and cute baby!) were there and there were some good deals (seriously, a crock pot for $10?!) so off we went. On the bright side, I didn’t trampled by ravenous shoppers, though I did hurt my back holding that crock pot while waiting in line for 35 minutes.

    Finally, the real horror: my mom burned the turkey. I can’t say enough about how out of character this is (and Lisa, if you mention this to her I will cut you!) and it’s not like this made the turkey bad. It’s still turkey. It was just… different. And it was done early, so I wasn’t that hungry yet. But I still ate too much. It just threw off my whole Thanksgiving experience. For the record, I am aware that I am a big whiny baby.

    So please respond and share your turkey stories. Hope everyone had a great holiday! And I’m going to download the iPhone app that let’s you post to your blog so keep an eye out for more posts!

  • The Brain Bone is connected to the Mouth Bone

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    I have lost the ability to communicate recently. It may have been going for sometime now but it’s reached epically bad proportions recently.

    Have you ever been thinking one thing but your mouth says something else? Today, while walking to get coffee with the new web guy (who will hopefully make my work life much easier) we were talking about my new TV and the possibility of TiVo etc. I was thinking:

    “I got DVR the second it came out, back when it was the dirty little secret of cable. I love my DVR!”.

    … but what I said was (oh god. So mortifying)…

    “I love you”.

    Naturally I just kept talking. I briefly tried to clarify my love for the DVR rather than him but mostly I tried to gloss over my apparent attempt at sexual harassment 30 minutes after he showed up for his first day of work. Oh, the humiliation.

    This is not the only example. At trivia I wrote down ‘Siskel and Egbert’ (rather than ‘Ebert”), and I thought Michael Jackson’s kids’ godfather was Marlon Brando (FYI, it’s Macaulay Caulkin and isn’t Brando everyone’s godfather?). I also recently referenced the movie “Harold and Kumar go to Washington”. I’m not sure what’s worse: messing up the title of a classic, iconic movie or the fact that now Mr. Smith apparently has to go to White Castle.

    Keep your fingers crossed that this is a phase and it passes quickly– I say stupid enough stuff normally. None of you want me calling you for bail money after I say “Thank you for my ticket, Mr. Occifer!”. Now that I have a big, pretty TV I can’t bail myself out anymore! (my god, I sound blonde, don’t I?).

  • A Baby Story

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    Ok, quick reminder: I was asked, and agreed, to be the “coach” for my cousin when she had her baby. Her circumstances are her own but the long and short of it is she decided to have a baby by herself, so I was to be the person at her bedside, helping her through labor and delivery.

    The actual call was fairly simple, far less traumatic than some of the “test” calls which involved me panicking and swerving into traffic. She ended up being induced so I knew to pack up and head down to the local Baby Shop (aka. Rex) first thing in the morning. We checked in, along with her lovely mother , at 8:30am or so and then settled in.

    The pitocin (induces labor) drip was started around 10am and then we sat there for about six hours. She progressed well, but slowly and her doctor actually pressured her for a good while to go ahead and have a C-section and “get it over with” (I could do a whole blog on this SOB doctor who never heard of a birth plan and just wanted to do the C-section and be done, grrrr). We opted to continue and sure enough a short while later things really got moving.

    From about 6pm until 10pm she went through terrible back labor and we tried everything to get her through it but after a while she decided to have an epidural. Unfortunately it took some time for that to arrive so there was a good 5 hours of really tough, yell-y, unpleasant labor. On the plus side the epidural was very popular; apparently she’ll be giving them for Christmas this year.

    So we’re up to about 11:30pm. After that mom tried to sleep and the nurses kept up a steady steam of pitocin and oxygen (the nurses were great, BTW. Not like the doctor at all). The trouble is that the contractions and pitocin affected the baby’s heartbeat; the oxygen helped normalize it. But after a few large dips in the baby’s heartbeat the doctors and nurse and mom, grandma and I all decided that it would be for the best to do a C-section. She was wheeled down to the OR about 3am and the little baby was born at 3:31am on May 21st (I know, she’s a month old already!).

    I went with her to be cleaned up. She was a couple days late and already had already inhaled merconium, and quite a lot of it at that. The nurses had to suction out her nose and mouth. But she was beautiful and healthy and sweet and precious and all those things. And she still is! I should know, I baby-sat last night. And no, she’s not sleeping through the night. She’s still cute though.

    So there you have it. The story of how my quasi-niece was born. I have a fair number of pictures below of the day (and night) of deliver. Enjoy!

    As for the “will-I-ever-have-children-now” question… I think it’s still yes. But I won’t deny this made me think about what I haven in-store. Interestingly I think my sleep-over with cute baby last night did more to put a damper on my having kids then labor and delivery did. I still want to have them- for sure. I just don’t think I’m ready. Which is good because I am still single which should slow me down.

    Also, I’m about to go on vacation so for once I have an excuse for never posting. I’m off to Canada for two-weeks, which I was going to write about but don’t have time to now. Hopefully I’ll have happy stories when I get back, although the trip involves about 60 hours of driving all together so that’s not really a happy thought. Happy summer, all!

    Mom and I before the tough times started.

    New baby!

    Baby faux-hawk.

    Mom and baby.

  • I had a wonderful day!

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    I had a wonderful day!

    I woke up still feeling sick but got progressively better as the day went on. I had a nice, leisurely lunch with a good friend. I got lots done at work, far more than I expected. I went to a hockey which we won in OT after an incredible come-from-behind two goals in the final two minutes. And I got to play with my adorable one-year-old nephew (his birthday was Saturday!) and chat with old friends, new friends and lots of family. Oh, and I found out I got an ‘A’ in my class this semester (phew!).

    This is what life is all about. It’s so nice to be able to appreciate the good days. I so often whine about the bad days on here that it’s rewarding for me, and probably refreshing for you, to remember all the good and beautiful things that I am so lucky to have in my life.

    I’ll update you on Progress Energy another day. :)

  • And tonight’s low is…

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    Here I am, on a Sunday night, once again waiting for Progress Energy.

    Before you say you’re sick of reading posts about this let me assure you I am heartily sick of writing them.

    I’ve been fighting a cold for a few days and beat it down through my Christmas party (last night, decent success thanks) but it hit me hard today. I came home from a cookie exchange and fell asleep on my couch with hopes of waking up healthy.

    Instead, I woke up cold. I was very disturbed to realize that when I tried to turn on the heat, nothing was happening. I thought it was a problem with my heater, or at least the panel, so I called a heating repair company. But while waiting on an appointment I wandered into my family room and discovered all my lights were dimmed. A symptom of past problems. My TV doesn’t turn on, my microwave doesn’t work– and I’m scared to push it lest I blow something up again.

    My brilliant and wonderfully supportive mother suggested I call Progress Energy and as of this writing I’m still waiting to hear from them. I’m hoping I don’t have to spend the night in a house with no heat. I’m also hoping it’s not another open neutral situation and I don’t wake up surrounded by flames. My roommate has headed for warmth at a friends so I am feeling sick, sad and not a little creeped-out. Wonder what this will cost me…

  • The Hunt for the Red-Hot Neutral

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    Ok, yeah I didn’t post last night. Sheesh. Apparently all you have to do to get people interested is end with a cliffhanger…

    When last we saw our heroine she was making her way through her now-darkened, smoked-filled family room. Obviously I needed to call an electrician (this should not actually be considered “obvious”; more on that later) but my first thought was “How can I find an electrician without the interweb?”. Fortunately I had a phone book holding open a door somewhere so I used that and, on my eighth call I finally found someone who would come out (they all say “24 Hour Service” but no one was available at 4:30 on a Monday afternoon).

    Richard and son (Ryan) showed up on my doorstep 30 minutes later and spent the next hour or so trying to work out the cause of my blow up. There is nothing so frustrating as waiting when there is nothing you can do and you don’t know anything. Of course I was distracted by calculating a second mortgage and selling my new car and prostituting myself to pay for my new electrical system.

    Eventually they came to the suspicion that the problem was caused by what’s called an “open neutral”. They tested my neutral (from outdoor box to indoor breaker box) and that was fine so they called our local power monopoly, Progress Energy. Eric, the Progress Energy dude showed up around 7:00pm and he and Richard conversed and agreed that the problem was the neutral line that runs between the transformer and my outdoor box (code name = not-my-fault).

    Now once they knew what it was, both Richard and Eric wasted no time in regaling me with stories about the terrors of the open neutral:

    “Yep, you’re lucky you were home. People all the time come home after an open neutral fire and there’s nuthin’ left.”

    - Richard, the electrician

    “We’re gonna fix this tonight because if we try to bypass it and this breaker goes you might wake up surrounded by flames.”

    - Eric, the Progress Energy dude

    They honestly said that! I went out that very night about bought fire extinguishers and fire ladders for each bedroom but I’m still not sleeping great.

    Progress Energy finished fixing the neutral and packed it up at around 10:30pm. Fortunately, before they left I did think to ask how I could get the things that had been destroyed replaced. Eric grudgingly told me to call customer service and that the whole process will take at least 2-4 weeks.

    Sadly, the story is not done- and no, I’m not just trying to do another cliffhanger. Check back for a full list of destroyed and damaged items and an explanation of why you shouldn’t call an electrician first if your TV blows up… and I promise, it is a good one!

  • Pop, pop, fizz, fizz

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    You know, when it rains, it pours. I’ve had so much fun over the past few days and have oh, so many stories to share with you! I’ll have to split everything into multiple posts but I know both of you will be on the edge of your seats.

    Monday afternoon I came home from work early to do some cleaning (Mom was coming into town that night). I turned on the washer and tried to start the dryer but it wouldn’t quite start and then the laundry room light flickered and dimmed. I was just starting to get annoyed and a little teeny tiny bit worried when I heard the yells and a few pops coming from the family room. My roommate and brother were entranced by sparks and smoke coming from my TV. Then the washing machine starting making an un-godly noise so I opened the lid to make it stop spinning. Meanwhile the TV popped a few more times so I unplugged the surge protector (yeah, I had a surge protector) and roommate and brother managed to lug it near an open window away from the wooden tinder box typically referred to as an entertainment unit.

    While throwing open windows and trying to work out what happened I heard a terrible noise from upstairs– loud and very fast clicking. That turned out to be the chain of my fan as it whipped back and forth and hit the fan blades which were going mach-2. The fan was actually smoking and shaking like it was about to fall out of the ceiling. Cool, right? So I went (went = simple verb representing “ran in blind panic”) back downstairs and turned off the power to the whole house.

    Curious about what happened next?!? You should be! Stay tuned for a new episode featuring Richard, the electrician, Eric, the Progress Energy guy and the always-popular statement: “you’re lucky your house didn’t burn down”!